Do you enjoy most when the heroine and hero have a moment’s privacy or when they’re struggling against social constraints to talk, perhaps having to communicate only through glances?

We see a variety of behavioural standards in hist roms when it comes to unmarried ladies being out and about with unmarried gentlemen, some making it seem as though ladies had free rein to roam, others showing they could not sneeze without a chaperone hearing, and still others having the role of companion being anyone from a parlour maid to a loyal hound. With so many conflicting versions, what is correct?

Well, it depends.

How “alone” an unmarried young lady can be with a gentleman depends on many factors, but three of the most significant are:

• town or country

• betrothed or not

• familial connection or not

Town or Country:

• In the country, rules are loosey goosey. It is not at all uncommon for a young lady to walk alone or walk with an unmarried gentleman, although the distance and location are limited for safety, such as walking to and from church, to and from a neighbour’s house, around one’s own land, etc, all being acceptable but not, say, as far as to a neighbouring village.

• In town, walking anywhere alone with a gentleman is discouraged.

• In the country, one’s unmarried friends can serve as chaperones if a chaperone is needed.

• In town, another unmarried lady is not an appropriate chaperone.

In town, a young lady is offered leniency only if she has been out for a couple of years, the tightest restrictions being on those newly out. Regardless of age, no young lady can attend a social event without an appropriate companion, social events including the opera, theatre, balls, etc.

Betrothed or Not:

• If a couple are betrothed, they can travel short distances together, walk and ride together, and enjoy each other’s company without a chaperone as long as all is conducted openly

• If a couple are not betrothed, they cannot be in a room alone, travel together in any fashion unchaperoned unless it is in an open carriage within a public area in full view of everyone, otherwise their reputations will be compromised

  
  

Familial Connection or Not:

• If the couple are close family friends or have a familial connection, however distant, even by way of in-laws, they can enjoy each other’s company more freely unchaperoned, be it in town or country.

Let’s suppose we’re not betrothed, there is no familial connection, and we’re in town. This means we need a chaperone!

There are restrictions on who is eligible to serve as chaperone, but the restrictions depend a good deal on the occasion:

• All unmarried ladies under 30 should have a chaperone

• A chaperone should be a married or widowed woman of equal or greater social standing (arguably a spinster over 30 could be considered acceptable, depending on circumstance)

• A chaperone should be of higher social standing, ideally one’s mother, relation, or sponsor

• In desperate times, a servant (such as a groom or abigail) could serve as a chaperone, but only in a public setting, such as a walk through the park, a ride, a quick stop into a shop, etc. A servant would not be acceptable as a chaperone at a social event or for non-public situations (eg. heroine will not be in a closed carriage with a gentleman with or without a servant)

• A gentleman, married or unmarried, cannot serve as a chaperone for any reason

• A male relation, be it father, brother, or otherwise, is not an acceptable chaperone except the most mundane situations, such as if a gentleman calls and the only other family member present to accept that call is the father. They cannot, for example, serve as chaperones to a social event like a ball.

So, let’s sum this up:

In town, an unmarried lady can enjoy an unmarried gentleman’s company unchaperoned if:

• The couple are openly courting or engaged

• The couple are related

• The carriage is open (to afford no chance for privacy)

• The couple are observed at all times by people with no chance for privacy, such as a ride during the fashionable hour or a walk in the more crowded areas of the park

In the country, an unmarried lady can enjoy an unmarried gentleman’s company unchaperoned if:

• The couple are openly courting or engaged

• The couple are related

• The carriage is open

• The couple are walking through the village or known destinations (such as to church)

• The couple are close family friends

• The couple are connected by marriage, such as the sibling of an in-law

The no nos (unless already betrothed):

• The two cannot be in a room alone together

• The two cannot travel together in a closed carriage or for long distances or out of the public eye in an open carriage (if a chaperone were present, this was more flexible)

• The two cannot call on each other unless accompanied by family for the lady or if the family were present in the room for the gentleman

• A young lady cannot attend a social event, be it a tea, ball, or otherwise, alone, much less on the arm of a gentleman not her relation

• The two cannot walk alone together out of sight of others if attending a social function, such as an estate picnic, a soiree, etc.

Since betrothed couples had so much leniency, it is no wonder a breakup would be potentially ruinous—what did the two get up to when out of the public eye? If a pair broke the rules and travelled together, be it in a closed carriage or for too long out of the public eye, it was assumed they had an understanding, ie a private betrothal that was soon to be announced—if this was not the case, their actions would compromise their reputation, leading to possible ruin unless the situation were remedied quickly by a betrothal.