Be neither seen nor heard: the life of Regency staff.

“Good morning, my lady.” Or… not?

In the great houses of Regency England, even a greeting was governed by a strict code of etiquette. Upper servants like valets, butlers, and lady’s maids might spend hours in close proximity to their employers—but that didn’t mean they could speak freely.

No eye contact unless invited. No chit-chat unless duty required it. And certainly no first names. Dignity and deference were the rule—even in private dressing rooms and drawing rooms.

A few rules:

• Speak only when spoken to

• No morning greeting, only a quiet bow/curtsy

• Utter discretion required at all times

• No eye contact

• No interruptions or commentary

• No first names ever for any reason

• Tone of voice should remain low, calm, and deferential

• Correct address to one's employer is "Sir," "Ma'am," "My lady," or "My lord"

• Emotional restraint required in all situations, never showing irritation, excitement, judgement, or otherwise

• No friendly or open familiarity, not even with the lady's maid who might be a confidante for the lady of the manor

Be on the lookout for a deeper dive coming soon on the research blog! We'll dive into far more rules of servant decorum than just these teasers on the graphic, and we'll look at the levels of staff to see how the etiquette might differ between, say, a parlor maid and a lady's maid.

Until then, can you answer these questions with a bit of research on your own?

• What could a lady’s maid get away with that a butler could not?

• Why was familiarity between a servant and employer so dangerous?

• Which servant might rarely be corrected for speaking out of turn?